Emotional Support through BOP

Why Your Role Matters

When someone you love is arrested or headed to prison, the ground moves for everyone. Hope narrows; judgment suffers. 

I remember my first day in custody at 23—locked in solitary, still lying to my parents, still trying to believe what my lawyer told me instead of the truth I needed to face. What pulled me out of that posture was family. My parents and sisters stayed with me, told me the truth, and let me know they would still be there as I did the work. That steady presence helped me accept responsibility and start building. 

Your role is that important. People make risky choices when they feel alone; they start planting better seeds when they have hope.

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Start With Presence and Plain Talk

Early on, fear and shame are loud. Be present. Speak plainly. Don’t tell your loved one what they want to hear; tell them you will stand with them while they do the right thing. Keep the focus on who they are going to be on the other side of this journey, and what that looks like this week—letters written, books read, routines kept, respectful interactions logged. Small steps, done consistently, change outcomes.

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Money, Used Well

Money does not change a sentence, but it changes the day. In federal prison, commissary funds cover hygiene, a little extra food, and phone and email time. Agree on an amount your household can sustain, and use it with purpose. Fund communication first so calls and Corrlinks email stay consistent. After that, make sure basic hygiene and simple nutrition are covered. No gambling and no debts. The goal is predictable basics so energy goes toward study, work details, and clean conduct.

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Books That Build Capacity

Books were a lifeline for me. They kept my mind working and aimed at the world I planned to reenter. In the federal system, books must ship directly from a publisher or approved vendor; the name and register number on the label have to match BOP records, and many sites restrict hardcovers. Subscriptions to newspapers and magazines go through vendors as well. Send material that builds capacity—writing, math, trades, ethics, history, biographies of people who overcame long odds. Keep a short list of what you sent and when. If the mailroom rejects a title, ask for the notice and adjust the next order.

Our non-profit sends books into prisons and jails at no cost when our budget allows. Families can request a scholarship on PrisonProfessors.org.

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Visiting 

Visits turn hope into something you can feel. 

I lived for visiting days. In my last decade, my wife, Carole, moved repeatedly so we could see each other every weekend. We planned around federal holidays—New Year’s, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Presidents’ Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas—because many facilities added visiting hours on those dates. 

Visiting basics–follow the rules: complete the visitor application and background check, wait for approval before traveling, dress plainly, bring acceptable ID, and expect close monitoring. Use the time to talk about what has been done and what comes next—classes, work, health, and family routines. In higher security or during discipline, visits may be non-contact or through glass; plan for that. Consistency on both sides shortens the distance.

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Keep Morale Practical

Hope grows from patterns you can repeat. Mark birthdays and holidays with letters or photos where allowed. Set short goals together: a book per month, a class per quarter, a predictable routine for calls and email. Share news honestly without drama the person can’t solve from inside. 

Reinforce simple wellness—sleep, a daily walk, a reading plan. People in prison spend energy worrying about people at home. When something goes wrong, share the plan you are putting in place, not just the problem. Steadiness on the outside lowers stress on the inside.

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Be a Profile Partner

One of the most useful roles a family member can play is Profile partner. The Profiles platform on PrisonProfessors.org turns private effort into a public record decision-makers can verify. Post short, dated updates with supporting documents so the record stays current while your loved one focuses on the day’s work.

• Biography — Show who your loved one is beyond the conviction and where family support and steady routines fit in the first year home.
• Journals — Record weekly actions with dates—classes taken, books completed, call and email cadence, visits scheduled, health routines followed.
• Book Reports — Explain why a title was chosen, what was learned, and how those lessons will be used during reentry (study habits, job skills, decision-making).
• Release Plan — Outline near-term steps: education and credential targets, work ideas, transportation and housing, restitution schedule, and visit cadence.
• Testimonials — Add concise notes from teachers, supervisors, mentors, faith leaders, or family who can speak to effort and follow-through.

Update your Profile regularly and consistently so progress is ongoing, timestamped, and verifiable.

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Practical Financial Planning

Sending money to someone in prison is typically done through the BOP Trust Fund/Deposit Fund (centralized deposits), postal money orders with the person’s name and register number, or a third-party service (such as Western Union) authorized by the BOP. Verify current options with the facility. 

For books, use vendors like Amazon or Barnes & Noble, list the register number exactly, and keep order confirmations and tracking numbers in case the mailroom returns an item.

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Use Free Resources

Everything on PrisonProfessors.org is free: lessons, planning tools, Profiles, and an AI bot for process questions you then confirm locally. We also publish a newsletter so families can track policy and program updates. 

My three promises hold: I won’t lie to you; I won’t ask you to do anything I didn’t do; and I won’t charge you for educational content. If you want live Q&A, you can join Justin Paperny’s weekly webinar at WhiteCollarAdvice.com/Nonprofit.

Key Takeaways

• Family support keeps people from making desperate decisions.
• Communication, books, and modest commissary funds—used with purpose—steady daily life.
• Visits require planning; use them to reinforce progress and next steps.
• A Profile that shows weekly work gives decision-makers something to verify.
• Strong families care for themselves so support doesn’t collapse.

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Self-Directed Exercise

• Your steady week: Write a one-page support plan for the next seven days—letters, Corrlinks emails, call windows, and (if approved) a visit. Keep it and follow it.
  
  
• Your book plan: Choose one book that will help your loved one grow. Why that title, and what will you ask them to report back in two weeks?
  
  

Your Profile role: Post one update to the Profile this Friday—biography paragraph, dated journal entry, book report, or testimonial that reflects real work.