Prepare for Loss
Loss is an inevitable part of life. It can come in different forms—a loved one, a job, freedom, or even the loss of a dream. What matters is how we confront it, how we learn from it, and how we grow stronger. One blessing that came from navigating a 45-year prison term was that I learned how to cope with loss.
Leaders taught me how to think differently, which was especially helpful at the start of my sentence. Once I understood that my bad decisions would cost me liberty, I began to engineer a pathway to the next phase of my life. I'd have to go through challenges, but in learning how to think differently, I learned how to prepare. And preparation led to a new perspective, resilience, hope, restored confidence, and strength.
The Philosophy of Acceptance
I had a breakthrough in understanding how to cope with loss by reading. I didn’t have access to a wide range of books, but I found immense value in anthologies like A Treasury of Philosophy. In that book, I read about Seneca, the Roman statesman and philosopher. His writing emphasized the importance of accepting the transient nature of life. Loss, as he put it, wasn't so much the crisis, but how we reacted loss.
Those were important words to live by for a man in solitary confinement, on his way to prison.
Seneca encouraged preparing our minds in advance for life’s inevitable challenges. When we understand that nothing in life is permanent—not wealth, not success, not even our liberty—we create a mindset that thrives on experiences rather than possessions. Life, even with hardship, becomes meaningful when we can value it while it’s ours and learn to gracefully move forward when it changes.
I couldn't control the sentence my judge imposed, but I could control how I responded to it. Seneca's lessons reminded me to focus on what I could do while in prison, rather than dwell on all that I had lost as a result of my conviction.
Mastering Emotional Responses
Loss brings overwhelming emotions, including anger, sadness, regret, and fear. To move forward, we must become the master of our emotions, not their victim.
For me, that meant building a structure to my time. I used strategies like writing, physical exercise, and setting clear goals to anchor my thoughts. I made intentional, purpose-driven decisions to restore my strength, intending to use the set back as time to regroup and prepare for the next chapter. Leaders taught me how to develop the “CEO mindset,” a framework I adopted to run my life as if I were running a business—even from a prison cell.
Instead of focusing on what I couldn’t control, I concentrated on the small, measurable steps that I could take every day. By controlling my mindset, I managed to turn a devastating loss into the greatest period of growth in my life.
If you’re navigating a potential loss, start preparing. Take some practical steps that will position you for growth:
Anticipate Change
Life will always bring change. Nothing is permanent. Instead of fearing uncertainty, prepare yourself by adopting an adaptable mindset. Ask yourself:
- What are the things I can control right now?
- How can I prepare mentally or emotionally for changes that are out of my hands?
Seneca wrote, “We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” Preparing your mind softens the blow when challenges arise.
Focus on Growth
Loss often carries lessons, even when they’re hard to see in the moment. For me, prison guided me toward education and self-discipline. But none of these blogs are about me.
- What can your loss teach you about yourself, your values, or your resilience?
Shift your focus toward areas where you can grow. Maybe it’s a new skill, an improved routine, or a deeper sense of gratitude for what remains.
Create Your Framework
In our courses, such as Preparing for Success After Prison, we emphasize the critical role of structure in achieving stability. When life feels chaotic, strategy and thoughtful planning become your greatest tools. Begin by defining your vision:
- Where do you want to go from here?
- What steps can you take today to move one inch closer to that future?
- What steps have others taken to overcome similar challenges?
Your framework could take many forms—a daily schedule, a journal practice, or simply a checklist of small actions to regain a sense of momentum. I encourage you to build a profile on Prison Professors Talent. Develop an asset that you can leverage for self-advocacy.
Looking Back
Loss reshaped and redirected my course in ways I never anticipated. My 26 years in prison were filled with lessons that eventually empowered me to create the life I live today as a free man and entrepreneur. Loss is painful and complex, but it can also serve as a stepping stone for transformation.
Self-Reflection Questions
Take a moment to reflect on your own experiences with loss:
- How have you reacted to past losses, and what would you do differently now?
- What lessons or strengths have you gained through adversity that you didn’t recognize at the time?
- If you were to create a personal framework for resilience, what would that look like?
Allow these questions to guide your thinking in meaningful ways. Growth often begins with self-awareness.
Loss is not the end of the road. It’s an opportunity to rethink your path and find new ways forward. You hold the power to learn and grow from adversity, no matter how challenging it feels in the moment. By preparing your mind, mastering your emotions, and framing your setbacks as stepping stones, you can find strength and clarity on the other side of loss.
If I could turn the loss of 26 years into an opportunity for growth and purpose, so can you. Remember, success begins with the right mindset.
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