I receive many questions from people in our community, and I am grateful to my team for bringing those questions to me. Many of the questions come from people who are facing prison for the first time. Many others come from spouses, parents, siblings, children, and friends who love someone going through the system.
Those family members want to know what they can do.
They may not have broken the law. They may not have been charged. They may not have stood before a judge. Still, they feel the consequences. They feel the fear, the uncertainty, the financial strain, the loneliness, and the shame that can come with a criminal conviction. In many ways, the family serves time too.
I understand that pain because I saw it in my own family.
When authorities arrested me, I was 23 years old. I had made the decision to traffic in cocaine, and I knew I was guilty. Even though I knew I was guilty, I made more bad decisions while going through the judicial process. I pushed the government to take me through trial. After the jury convicted me, the judge sentenced me to 45 years in federal prison.
That sentence did not fall only on me. It also fell on the people who loved me.
My parents did not condone what I had done. They did not excuse my behavior. But they continued to love me. They continued to support me. My sisters, Julie and Christina, also stood by me. They made clear that they would help me through the journey.
My grandparents responded differently. They loved me when I was young, but they felt humiliated by my conviction. They stopped communicating with me. I had to live with that consequence too.
As I began serving my sentence, I had to ask myself a hard question. What could I do to prove worthy of the love and support that my parents and sisters were giving me? What could I do to earn back the trust of people I had disappointed? What could I do so that people would not judge me only by the worst decision I had made in my life?
Those questions helped me begin building a plan.
Love Is Not the Same as Enabling
When a family member supports someone in prison, that support does not mean the family is excusing the behavior that led to prison. We should make that distinction clearly.
A person can love someone and still expect accountability. A person can offer encouragement and still say, “You have work to do.” A person can send letters, books, and support while still refusing to participate in excuses.
That kind of support helped me.
My family did not tell me that I was a victim. They did not tell me that the sentence was someone else’s fault. They did not tell me that I should spend the rest of my life complaining about the system. They showed me that they loved me, and because they loved me, I felt a responsibility to become worthy of that love.
For people in prison, family support can become one of the strongest reasons to begin working toward change. But the family should not carry the entire burden. The person inside must do the work. The person inside must build the record. The person inside must make intentional decisions every day.
Family members can help most when they encourage that kind of disciplined response.
The First Step: Encourage a Written Plan
When a person goes into prison without a plan, the system will have a plan for him. The system will tell him when to wake up, when to eat, when to stand for count, where to sleep, and what rules to follow. But the system will not necessarily create a plan that prepares him for liberty, employment, reconciliation, and a meaningful life after release.
That is why the person in prison must create his own plan.
I built my plan after learning from people who were much wiser than I was at 23 years old. I read about leaders who went through struggle and used that struggle to become stronger. I began to understand that I could not change the past, but I could begin sowing seeds for a better future.
My plan had three parts.
First, I would educate myself.
Second, I would work to contribute to society in meaningful and measurable ways.
Third, I would build a strong support network.
That plan became my compass. It helped me decide how to use my days. If an opportunity supported one of those three goals, I pursued it. If an activity pulled me away from those goals, I avoided it. I did not always get everything right, but the plan gave me direction.
Families can encourage their loved ones to do the same. Ask the person inside to write a plan. Ask him to define success. Ask him to explain what steps he will take during the next week, the next month, the next year, and the years ahead.
A person cannot change what happened yesterday. But he can decide what he will do today.
A Plan Gives the Family Something to Support
Families often ask, “How can I help?”
The answer becomes clearer when the person in prison has a plan.
Without a plan, support can become emotional and reactive. A person calls home frustrated. The family feels helpless. The conversation focuses on what the system is not doing, what staff members are not doing, what programs are not available, or what other people are doing wrong. Those frustrations may be real, but they do not always lead to progress.
With a plan, the conversation changes.
Instead of asking only, “How are you doing?” the family can ask, “What did you do this week to move closer to your goals?”
Instead of focusing only on problems, the family can ask, “What books are you reading? What are you learning? What did you write? What progress can we document?”
Instead of letting the sentence define the relationship, the family can become part of a support team that encourages growth.
That kind of structure helped me through 26 years in federal prison. My family could see that I was not simply waiting for time to pass. I was working. I was reading. I was writing. I was earning academic credentials. I was building a record. I was trying to reconcile with society.
When family members saw that effort, they had more confidence in supporting me. Their support strengthened me, and my work strengthened their hope. That relationship became collaborative.
Think Like a Builder
If a person wanted to build a house, he would not tell a contractor to start putting boards together and figure things out along the way. He would need a blueprint. The builder would need to know where the foundation goes, where the rooms go, where the plumbing and electrical systems go, and what the finished structure should look like.
A person in prison should think the same way.
What kind of life does he want to build?
What kind of character will that life require?
What skills will he need?
What relationships will support that future?
What weaknesses could threaten the plan?
What evidence will show that he is making progress?
When a person writes those answers, he begins creating a blueprint. The family can review that blueprint. Mentors can review it. Teachers, case managers, probation officers, employers, and other stakeholders may eventually review it too.
That is why documentation matters. A person may say, “I have changed,” but stakeholders usually need more than words. They need evidence. They need to see a pattern of decisions over time.
A written plan helps create that evidence.
Use the Profiles Platform to Build a Record
At Prison Professors, we built resources to help people create that kind of record. Everything we offer is free to members of our community. We want people to use those resources to prepare for the highest level of liberty at the soonest possible time.
One of the tools we encourage people to use is the Profiles Platform.
The Profiles Platform helps a person show that he is more than the criminal conviction. Even if he disagrees with parts of the case, the conviction is part of the public record. Stakeholders may see court documents, news articles, government press releases, or other information that tells only one part of the story.
A profile allows the person to build a fuller record.
Through our workbooks, including the Earning Freedom Playbook and Become the CEO of Your Life, we encourage people to develop several core assets.
The first asset is a biography. A biography gives the person an opportunity to tell his story in his own words. It should not make excuses. It should show self-awareness. It should explain what led to the problem, what the person has learned, and how he is working to become better.
The second asset is a journal. A journal allows the person to document daily decisions. He can show what he is reading, what he is learning, how he is responding to challenges, and how he is preparing for the future. A journal creates a record over time.
The third asset is a book report system. Every time a person reads a book, he can write about why he chose the book, what he learned from it, and how it will help him prepare for success. Reading is useful, but writing about reading makes the learning visible.
The fourth asset is a release plan. A release plan should show that the person is thinking about housing, employment, health, relationships, finances, community support, and the obstacles that may follow release. It should include a realistic assessment of strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats.
The fifth asset is a support network. That support may include family members, mentors, educators, faith leaders, employers, and others who can offer testimonials. Those testimonials can help show that other people believe in the person’s preparation and character.
When a person builds these assets, he is no longer asking others to believe vague claims. He is showing the work.
What Families Can Do From the Outside
Families can play an important role in this process, but they should do it in a way that strengthens the person inside rather than weakening him.
A family member can encourage the person to write. If the person does not have access to the internet, he can write by hand and send the work home. A spouse, parent, sibling, or friend may help type and organize the work. If the person has access to email, he may send updates directly.
A family member can also help gather books, articles, and course materials. The goal is not simply to keep the person entertained. The goal is to support a deliberate learning plan.
A family member can ask better questions. Instead of focusing only on complaints about prison, ask questions that lead to action:
What did you learn this week?
What did you write this week?
What goal are you working toward this month?
What book are you reading, and why did you choose it?
What part of your release plan needs more thought?
What weakness are you working to overcome?
What can I do that supports your plan without taking ownership of it away from you?
Those questions help the person inside stay focused. They also help the family see whether the person is using time wisely.
Families may also help build the support network. They can encourage mentors, friends, former employers, teachers, or community members to write testimonials. They can share updates with people who care. They can help the person build a circle of accountability.
That support should always point back to the same principle: the person inside must lead the work.
Avoid Making Prison the Center of Every Conversation
Prison can consume a person’s identity. It can consume a family’s identity too.
Every phone call can become about the prison. Every letter can become about staff, rules, food, delays, lockdowns, or frustration. Some of those issues may be serious and deserve attention. But if every conversation focuses only on the prison environment, the family may unintentionally reinforce the idea that the person is powerless.
A better approach is to keep bringing the conversation back to preparation.
The system may be difficult. The sentence may be long. The environment may be discouraging. Still, the person can read. He can write. He can think. He can plan. He can develop communication skills. He can build discipline. He can reconcile with the people he hurt. He can prepare for employment. He can create a record that shows growth.
When families reinforce those possibilities, they help the person protect his dignity.
That does not mean ignoring hardship. It means refusing to let hardship define the entire journey.
Help Your Loved One Think About Stakeholders
During my sentence, I learned to think about the stakeholders I would meet in the future. I knew that probation officers, employers, lenders, community leaders, and others would have influence over my life. I also knew they would have access to information about my conviction.
I could not erase that information.
But I could create new information.
I could build a record that showed what I did after the conviction. I could show that I educated myself. I could show that I contributed to society. I could show that I built a support network. I could show that I had a plan.
Families can help a loved one think about those future stakeholders.
If a future employer reviews the profile, what will he see?
If a probation officer reviews the release plan, what will she see?
If a case manager reviews the journal entries, what will they show?
If a judge, prosecutor, or clemency reviewer ever looks at the record, will it show a person who waited passively, or a person who worked deliberately?
Those questions matter because liberty often comes through the decisions of stakeholders. The person in prison should prepare for those future reviews long before they happen.
The Risk of Not Having a Plan
I often tell people that if they do not prepare, they expose themselves to predictable risks after release.
One risk is unemployment. A person comes home and cannot find work because he has a conviction, a gap in employment, limited skills, or no record showing preparation.
A second risk is underemployment. A person may find a job, but the job may not create a pathway to growth. He may feel trapped because he needs income but has not developed the skills or support to advance.
A third risk is homelessness or unstable housing. Without a plan, release can come quickly, and the person may not have a stable place to live.
A fourth risk is more problems with the law. If a person returns to society without structure, support, income, or a clear plan, old pressures can return.
A fifth possibility is success. But success is not likely to happen by accident. A person increases the likelihood of success by making intentional decisions, documenting progress, and building support before release.
Families do not want their loved ones to face those first four outcomes. They want the fifth outcome. That means they should begin helping their loved one prepare now.
The Family’s Support Can Become Part of the Record
A family’s support can do more than provide comfort. It can become part of the person’s record of preparation.
For example, a spouse may write a testimonial describing the changes she has seen. A parent may write about the person’s consistency in reading, journaling, and planning. A sibling may describe how the person has taken responsibility and worked to rebuild trust. A mentor may write about character, discipline, and growth.
Those testimonials should be honest. They should not exaggerate. They should not pretend the past did not happen. They should speak to what the writer has personally observed.
A thoughtful testimonial may help stakeholders see the person through a wider lens. It may show that the person has built relationships, earned trust, and developed a support network that will continue after release.
Support becomes stronger when it is specific.
Instead of writing, “He is a good person,” a family member might write, “Over the past year, I have watched him complete 20 book reports, write weekly journal entries, and revise his release plan three times as he learned more about the challenges he will face after release.”
That kind of statement gives stakeholders something concrete to evaluate.
The Person Inside Must Work Harder Than Anyone Else
Family members can help, but they cannot do the work for the person inside.
No one should work harder than the person who wants liberty. No one should care more about the release plan than the person who will live it. No one should be more committed to building the profile, writing the journal, reading the books, or preparing for employment.
When I served my sentence, I had support. But I also understood that I had to earn trust. I had to show my family that their support was not wasted. I had to show my grandparents, even though they had stopped communicating with me, that I was working to become better. I had to show future stakeholders that I was not defined only by my conviction.
That work gave my life meaning during the sentence. It also opened opportunities after release.
I did not get out of prison early. I served 26 years. But because I used that time to prepare, I came home with a record, a support network, and a strategy. That preparation gave me true liberty. Today, I have the freedom to do meaningful work, to support my family, to build businesses, and to serve others through Prison Professors.
I want others to build that same kind of strategy, regardless of sentence length.
Start With One Step
Families sometimes feel overwhelmed because the prison journey can be long and confusing. They may not know where to begin.
Begin with one step.
Ask your loved one to write a simple plan. Ask him to define success. Ask him to write a biography. Ask him to begin a journal. Ask him to read one book and write one report. Ask him to think about release, even if release feels far away. Ask him to identify the people who may support him and the people whose trust he needs to earn back.
Then build from there.
The work does not have to be perfect. It has to begin. Over time, one biography, one journal entry, one book report, one release plan, and one testimonial can grow into a body of work. That body of work can help the person inside develop confidence. It can also help the family see progress.
Progress gives people hope because it shows that the future is not only something to wait for. The future is something to build.
Our Commitment at Prison Professors
At Prison Professors, we create free resources for people at every stage of the journey. We serve people before sentencing, during prison, and after release. We also serve families who want to understand how to help.
We do not ask people to pay for our resources. We publish lessons, workbooks, videos, and tools because we want people to prepare for the best possible outcome. We want people to build records that show accountability, growth, and readiness for higher levels of liberty.
I will never ask anyone to do anything I did not do. The strategy I teach is the strategy I used. It helped me through 26 years in federal prison. It helped me build trust. It helped me come home with opportunities. It helped me earn a life of meaning and service.
If you love someone in prison, encourage that person to start building. Do not let the relationship focus only on what went wrong, what the system is doing, or how much time remains. Help your loved one focus on what he can do today to prepare for a better future.
The person in prison cannot change the past. The family cannot change the past either. But together, with honesty, discipline, and a clear plan, they can begin building a record that leads to better outcomes.
My name is Michael Santos. I believe in the capacity of every person to grow through adversity, and I hope this message helps families support their loved ones in a way that leads to preparation, dignity, and a stronger future.
What step can you encourage your loved one to take today that will help build a stronger record for the future?