Completed my victim impact class

I completed my victim impact class. It wasn’t a mandatory course, but it was one I feel like I needed. I wanted to take the class because I felt like it could help me understand things from a different point of view and force me to think about some things I probably avoided thinking about for a long time. One of the main things that stood out to me was learning about the different kinds of victims. The course would give different scenarios and then ask, “Who else is likely to be affected by this?”

In my years of being involved in the gang culture, I never really stopped to ask myself this question. At that time, my thinking was limited. I thought mostly about what was happening in front of me and the people directly involved. I didn’t think about how one decision or one act could continue affecting people who weren’t even there. As the classes went on, I would spend more and more time thinking about all the people who wasn’t actually in the gangs but was impacted by our actions. It made me realize that the damage doesn’t stop with the people directly involved. It reaches families, children, friends, and even future generations.

I started thinking about my victim’s kids, especially his son who is a teenager now. I thought about him growing up in the same rough neighborhoods we grew up in, surrounded by some of the same pressures and influences, and now with no father there to help him make the right decisions or walk him into manhood. That thought stayed with me. I even said a prayer for him and hoped he didn’t fall into the gang life like us. I hope he has people around him who can guide him in a better direction and help him understand that he doesn’t have to become a product of the environment around him. I hope he is able to become the man his father would’ve wanted him to become.

I also thought about his mother, who, like my mother, will always see her son as her baby. As a son myself, I understand that no matter how old you get, your mother still sees the child she raised. Thinking about her pain from that perspective hit me differently. She didn’t show up to court, and I’m not sure what I would’ve said to her back then or if I would’ve even had the courage to speak while she was present. The person I was then probably didn’t have the maturity, understanding, or words to truly acknowledge her pain.

But I know now, at this very moment, there isn’t anything I would like more than a chance to apologize to her for my role in this situation. Not because I believe an apology can undo what happened, because I know it can’t. I can’t give her back the years, memories, or moments that were taken from her family. But I would want her to know that I recognize her pain in a way I wasn’t capable of recognizing it before.

This class taught me that accountability isn’t only about accepting the consequences for your actions. It’s also about having the courage to look beyond yourself and understand how your actions affected other people’s lives.

I can’t change the decisions I made in the past, but I can allow what I’ve learned from them to change the man I am becoming. I can continue to educate myself, reflect, and make sure the choices I make going forward represent someone who understands the value of life, family, and the impact we have on other people.